How to End a Pointless Argument & other One Shot's
by Shadow of the Forgotten
Summary: A collection of humorous one shot's involving the crew of the Outlaw Star. Includes: Jim and a frying pan, Aisha turning green, a 'build a better thief-trap' scheme gone bad and many more.
1. How to End a Pointless Argument

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Outlaw Star or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

How to End a Pointless Argument

* * *

Aisha stood with her hands on her hips yelling at Suzuka about how she was right because she was a Ctarl-Ctarl. And of course they were _never_ wrong.

Jim just sighed. It was always like this with those two. Aisha would say something stupid, Suzuka would correct her and then they would get into a pointless argument. Well at least Aisha would, Suzuka would just sit there calmly drinking her tea like always. 'Why do I always have to deal with these idiots? It's not fair.' He thought to himself whining.

As usual Gene and Melfina were gone somewhere. No one ever knew where they went, but they were always told that if they followed there would be a caster shell with their name on it. 'They're probably off somewhere making out.' Jim thought shuddering. 'Gross.'

Just then he was brought out of his thoughts by Aisha's yelling. "Of course I'm right. Just admit it Suzu." Aisha said using the hated nickname. "Just say I'm right so we can end this."

Suzuka just looked at her and shook her head sadly. 'Honestly won't she ever learn?' "Look Aisha. How many times do I have to tell you, I will not get into a childish argument with you? So you might as well just be quiet."

Meanwhile Jim was trying not to pull his hair out in frustration. 'Why does Gene even let these two stay with us?' He wondered. 'All they ever do is argue.' Suddenly Aisha started to growl and Jim flinched. 'If Gene comes back and Aisha's destroyed the ship he'll blame me.' He thought frantically. 'What do I do, what do I do?'

Seeing a frying pan he quickly grabbed it and hit Aisha over the head, effectively knocking her out before she could provoke Suzuka any further. Standing over her prone form, his eyebrow twitching, Jim set the pan down. "What am I going to do with you guys?" He whined. "All you ever do is try to get on each others nerves. This is the third time this week that I've had to knock her out." He said exasperated.

Suzuka just smirked into her tea cup. "Yes, but it is quite funny watching her twitch on the ground."

Glaring at her Jim narrowed his eyes. "Well I wouldn't have to do that to her" He said waving his hand over Aisha's body. "if you'd stop trying to instigate fights. Seriously you two act like mere children."

Snorting, Suzuka sipped her tea. "I do nothing of the sort. I simply let her know when she is wrong."

"Yeah, knowing that it pisses her off and she'll start a fight." Jim bit out.

"I'm only being helpful, can I help it if she takes it the wrong way." Suzuka said innocently.

"Ugh…you two will be the death of me yet." Picking back up the frying pan Jim whacked Suzuka over the head before placing it back on the stove. "Maybe that'll teach you two to stop fighting." He said to the, now two, twitching bodies on the floor." Smirking he went back over to the couch to finish his book in blissful silence, well at least until they woke up and he had to run for his life. Sure they deserved what they got, but man did they get pissed afterwards. And boy did he have some nice bruises to prove it.


	2. Gilliam Gets a Virus

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Outlaw Star or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

Gilliam Gets a Virus

* * *

"Almost done Gilliam." Jim said as he continued typing on his handheld computer. "Just a few more files to download and then you should be all set."

"Alright Jim." Gilliam replied, then after a few seconds asked. "Hey Jim, what are you downloading anyway?"

"Oh nothing major, just a couple of encrypted programs that should help the ether drive system run smoother." He replied still furiously typing. "I found them when I hacked into the Kei Pirates' mainframe. They appear to be designed specifically for you, but since they don't have you any more I didn't think they'd mind me _borrowing_ them."

"There all done." Jim said and with one last keystroke he rebooted Gilliam.

Suddenly the screen began flashing a warning over and over. "Warning virus detected. Warning virus detected, Warni--." As quickly as the warning began it ceased, and the ships computer finished rebooting.

'Oh no.' Jim thought worriedly. 'I hope Gilliam is ok.'

Finally, after what seemed like hours to Jim, Gilliam had finished his reboot and was starting all the ships main systems.

"Hey Gilliam are you ok?" he asked.

"I'm fine Jim, why do you ask?" Gilliam replied calmly.

"Well…" He began nervously. "I accidentally allowed a virus into your system."

"Really?" Gilliam asked. "I do not detect any outside threats."

Jim sighed. "Well that's good, I was afraid that you might have been infected with something from the programs I downloaded."

"I do not believe that there are any prob--." Gilliam stopped suddenly.

"Gilliam?" Jim asked.

No answer.

"Gilliam?" He tried again, this time waving his hands back and forth in-front of the robots eyes. "Heellooo."

"lems with my system." Gilliam finished.

"Gilliam what happened? You started talking and them you just quit mid-sentence, and now you've just finished it. What is going on?" Jim asked concerned.

"Nothing. Why would anything be wrong? I mean come on I'm like the best ship ever, nothing will ever be wrong with me. I'm like totally fast and super smart." Gilliam said with a girly voice, sounding just like a hyper-active teenage girl.

"Uhh…Gilliam is that you?" Jim asked his eyes wide. 'What the hell is going on with him?'

"Of course it's me silly. Who else would it be, Aisha?" Gilliam said giggling in a high pitched voice.

Slapping his head Jim groaned. "This has to be the work of that virus. Ah man…what am I going to do now? Gene will kill me if he comes back to find a female Gilliam." 'And a teenage one at that.' He thought annoyed.

Seeing that Jim was in his own little world Gilliam started talking to her(him)self. "Wow the colors in here really clash, that needs to be fixed. How about pink for the walls? Then it would match me." She said looking at her robots reflection in the small mirror that was on the wall. "Hmm…maybe not. Oh I know yellow, the walls will be yellow. It'll look perfect." She said giggling. Since that problem had been solved Gilliam started singing to herself, loudly and very off key.

Jim had been trying to come up with a solution to his problem when he heard Gilliam attempt to sing. "Argh, stop that horrible noise." He yelled covering his ears.

Gilliam immediately stopped singing and started sniffling. "Y-you d-d-don't l-like my singing?" She asked and then she began to wail. "Waaaaaaaaaaah. You're –sniff- so mean. Wwaaaaaaah."

"Calm down." Jim said exasperatingly. When that only made Gilliam cry harder he sighed. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." He said trying to console the virus infected ship. 'Not only is Gilliam a girl, but h-she's emotion too. God, what am I going to do?' He thought trying to not slam his head down against the table.

"I accept you apology." Gilliam said cheerfully. No sign was left of the tantrum she had just thrown. Jim just stood there, his eyebrow twitching in annoyance. "Now what should we do, I'm sooo bored? I know how about we have a sleep over and talk about boys all night. Or maybe we could go to a spa and relax." Gilliam said excitedly.

Jim tuned Gilliam out after the whole sleepover thing. 'H-she doesn't actually think I'd do that does she?' He thought shuddering. 'No way.' Drowning out the pointless talking Jim thought up a plan. 'I know what I'm going to do.' Jim thought with a grin. 'I'll just shut Gilliam down so I can try to fix this problem without all this incessant talking.' Slowly sliding his hand over to his keyboard, so as not to draw attention, he quickly clicked on the shutdown button.

"Oooh I know, we cou-." That was the last Gilliam said as the computer program began shutting down.

"Finally some peace and quiet." Jim said rubbing his temples. "Now to find the virus that messed with Gilliam and destroy it."

After nearly three straight hours of searching Jim was finally able to delete the program that held the virus. Originally he had thought that the virus was from the programs he had downloaded, but it wasn't. He was, however, going to kill Gene later since the virus had been entirely his fault. 'Maybe now Gene will listen to me about not downloading things directly into Gilliam hard drive.' Apparently the virus had been attached to a picture Gene had downloaded of a girl in a bikini. 'Stupid pervert.' He thought shaking his head. Finishing up his virus scan to make sure there were no more threats, Jim restarted Gilliam.

"Hello Jim, how are you doing?" Gilliam asked in his normal voice.

"I'm fine, how about you?" Jim asked curiously.

"I am doing well as always. Thank you for asking." Gilliam replied. "Hey Jim what took you so long? Why did you need me shut down for so long? It says I have been in sleep mode for four hours. Were there any problems with the downloads?"

Grinning sheepishly Jim scratched the back of his head. "Nope, no problems what so ever, everything went fine. A-ok, there's nothing to worry about." When he started fidgeting and acting nervous he decided to change the subject. "Uh, what say we start working on the grappler arms now?"

"No problem Jim." Gilliam said as he headed to the cockpit.

'I guess he doesn't remember what happened. Thank god, but man was it funny to see Gilliam acting like a teenage girl. To bad I didn't record it.' He thought while trying not to laugh. 'It would have been great for blackmail.' Smirking at that thought Jim followed after Gilliam, glad that the problem was finally over with.


	3. When the Crew is Out the Ship Will Party

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Outlaw Star or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

When the Crew is Out the Ship Will 'PARTY'

* * *

"See ya Gilliam." Gene shouted over his shoulder as he followed the rest of his crew off the ship. "We'll be back later tonight, so make sure everything's ready for us to launch."

"I'll be bringing back the new equipment with me." Jim told the ship. "But since Gene is in such a hurry to leave we'll have to do the work in space. Geeze, you'd think he would let us stay overnight so we could properly install the equipment, but nooo it's to expensive." He said rolling his eyes. "It's not like he earns any _real_ money anyways. All he does is spend it."

"Hurry up Jim or we'll leave you behind." Aisha shouted from across the boardwalk.

"Coming Aisha." Jim shouted back. "Well I guess I'll be back later, have fun Gilliam." Waving to the small pink robot he turned and ran towards the rest of his friends.

"Goodbye Jim." Gilliam said before returning to the engine room to finish adjusting them so he could try to compensate for the reckless sub-ether jumps Gene had been making lately. "Why does that man always seem to think that I can do all those crazy stunts without having any consequences?" He asked himself. Getting started on his work he sighed.

"And I call him captain. I can't believe that Hilda left me in his care, he's so childish and disrespectful." He huffed.

After finishing his work he sat on the ship, bored. 'What to do, what to do.' Suddenly he had a brilliant idea. Why not have a party. 'If Gene and the rest of the crew can go out and party, why cant I.' He thought to himself. Searching thru the files from the dock they were currently at Gilliam found what he was looking for. 'Dance music. YES.'

He turned different colored lights on around the ship and a disco ball came down from the ceiling. "All right you guys." He said to the miniature robots of his. "Let's get this party started." Suddenly strobe lights began flashing and some music started to play.

That's what Gene and his crew came back to. A ship filled with blinking and flashing colored lights. They all walked inside and stopped dead in their tracks. There in the middle of the kitchen was the pink robot Gilliam and his crew of blue robots all dancing to the, **MACARENA!** And disturbingly enough, they were all in perfect rhythm with each other.

"Let's get out of here." Gene whispered frightened as he began backing towards the door. "I don't think we really want to be here right now."

"Yeah, I'm going to be scarred for life now." Jim said numbly since he was still in shock. "That is a sight no one should ever have to witness."

Suzuka walked back towards the door stiffly, while Aisha ran covering her eyes and yelling. "I'm Blind, I'm Blind."

They all ran away from the ship like their lives depended on it. And neither of them were planning on going back in there _anytime_ soon. Who knows what else they might have had the misfortune to see.


	4. Suzuka's Hair is What Color?

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Outlaw Star or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

Suzuka's Hair is What Color

* * *

"Hey Gilliam, we're back." Gene said as he walked onto the ship with Melfina. "We're going to be leaving soon so make sure everything is ready." He told his ship as he walked to the cockpit with Mel.

"All right Gene." Gilliam replied.

"Well since I'm not needed here I think I'll go take a bath." Suzuka said heading towards her room.

Aisha and Jim watched her walk away and tried desperately to contain their laughter.

"How long do you think it will take?" Aisha asked snickering.

Sobering up Jim looked at his watch. "Oh I'd say it'll take about an hour before she realizes what we've done." Thinking back on their little _project,_ he started laughing. "She's –ha- going to –ha ha- kill us, you know that right?"

"Yeah, but it will be so worth it when we see her face." Aisha replied with an evil glint in her eyes.

"That it will." Jim said nodding. "Well how about we go and get some food while we're waiting?"

"Let's." She said smirking. "I don't want to sit around waiting it'll just make us look suspicious."

Jim just rolled his eyes. 'Yeah, like Suzuka will have any doubt as to who the guilty party is.' He thought. 'I hope her reaction will be worth all the pain we'll be in. Cause we will definitely be in a lot of it by the time she's done with us.'

oooooOne Hour Later

Aisha and Jim were sitting at the kitchen table when they heard an ear shattering scream.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHH. WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO?" Was heard from a few doors down.

"Quick, get the camera ready." Aisha said as she faced the hallway waiting for their victim to arrive.

Suzuka had just finished drying her hair when she looked in the mirror. She blinked and looked closer. Yes that was really her with **BRIGHT PINK HAIR!** Screaming she ran out of her room in search of the ones responsible.

Running into the kitchen she was suddenly blinded by a quick flash. After clearing her vision she looked over and saw Jim holding a camera and clutching his sides as he laughed, while Aisha was rolling around on the floor because she was laughing so hard.

"WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO TO ME?" She yelled, effectively getting both of their attention.

"Ha haa hah." Aisha could only laugh, Suzuka just looked too funny.

Suddenly Gene and Melfina came running in. "What's going on we heard your scr—haha hhaaaa." Gene started to ask but seeing Suzuka with pick hair made him burst out into laughter.

Melfina was trying to be polite and not laugh, but she wasn't able to, so she covered her mouth trying to muffle the sound instead.

Turning to face the newcomers Suzuka glared. "You think _this_ is funny?" She asked venomously while pointing to her hair. Looking at the laughing pair she huffed and turned her attention back to the evil ones who had done this to her. "What did you do?" She asked again her eyes narrowing.

"We –ha- put some –haha- hair dye in –ha- your shampoo." Jim managed to say between laughs. "But I didn't think it would turn out this great." He said trying to control his mirth.

"Yeah Suzu, you look –snicker- great." Aisha said snickering. "I think you should keep it this –snicker- color."

Giving Jim and Aisha a murderous look Suzuka walked towards them and swiftly grabbed the camera from Jim's hands. Knowing that it would be pointless to try and get it back Jim stayed rooted to his spot.

Gene, who had seen Suzuka's look and decided it would be safer anywhere but there, did the smartest thing he'd ever done. He grabbed Mel's hand and took off.

"You two," Suzuka said pointing at the now nervous pranksters. "are dead. But being as I'm honorable I will give you a" she paused tapping her chin in thought. "five second head start."

Gulping Jim looked over at Aisha to see her visibly shaking. 'Perhaps we did go a little far.' He thought worriedly. 'I hope she doesn't kill us this time.'

Suzuka looked into their eyes. "Five."

Aisha and Jim bolted out of the kitchen as fast as they could. Neither of them wanted to be on the receiving end of her punishment.

"Four." She said as she slowly picked up her wooden sword and took a few practice swings.

"Three." She could still here footsteps and swearing in the distance as her prey tried futilely to escape her wrath.

"Two."

"One." She said smirking, her eyes lighting up evilly. "Times up." With that she calmly walked out of the kitchen with one thing on her mind. 'Payback.'


	5. Aisha's Green With Envy

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Outlaw Star or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

Aisha's Green With Envy

* * *

"Good morning everyone." Aisha said yawning as she stumbled into the kitchen. Plopping down in the empty chair at the end of the table, she began filling her plate.

Feeling eyes on her while she was eating, Aisha looked up. "Why are you staring at me?" She asked the other occupants at the table.

Melfina, whose eyes had been slightly wide, dropped her head and focused on her food. She was afraid that if she opened her mouth she'd end up laughing to death.

Jim and Gene were a different story though. They had been trying to contain their mirth since she came in the kitchen, but when they got a closer look they fell onto the floor because they were laughing so hard.

"What is so funny?" Aisha asked angrily. I mean come on, all she did was ask a question.

Suzuka looked up from her tea and smirked. "Perhaps you should go look in a mirror."

"Huh?" It took a moment for Aisha to process what Suzuka had said, but as soon as she did she flew out of the kitchen.

A few seconds later a scream was heard, followed by someone running water.

Aisha ran into the bathroom and threw herself in-front of the mirror. Her eyes widened as she slowly ran her hand over her face. "KYAAAAAAH." She screamed. "Why is my face green?"

Grabbing a towel, she got it wet and began furiously rubbing her face. After a while of that Aisha looked back at the mirror. "WHAT?" She yelled when she saw that her face was still that awful shade of green. "Why won't this stuff wash off?"

Dropping the towel she ran back into the kitchen, causing the laughter to start anew. "Who did _this,_ and why won't it come off?" She said pointing to her face as her eyes narrowed in anger.

Looking at Jim, Aisha growled. "Did you do this?"

"Ha-ha- no –haaha- not me." Jim said between laughs.

Turning to face Gene and Mel, she glared. "Did you guys?"

They could only shake their heads 'no' since they were laughing so hard.

Snarling, Aisha faced Suzuka. "You did this?" She asked menacingly.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Suzuka replied innocently. "Why would I wish to dye your face green?"

"You mean it's dyed, and that's why it won't come off?" Aisha whined, and then what Suzuka said finally sunk in. "It was you." She said. "You made my face this horrible color."

Suzuka smirked. "So what if I did, you dyed my hair pink. Think of this as my revenge. Besides," She said grinning evilly. "It'll match your clothes now." Seeing Aisha's face fall, she decided to give her some good news. "But don't worry, it will fade in a month, or so."

"A MONTH?" Aisha screamed and then abruptly closed her mouth when she saw Suzuka's face grow hard.

"My hair will take many months to grow out enough so that I can cut the pink off." She bit out. "You should feel blessed that your dilemma will only take about a month."

Aisha sat down pouting. "It was just a joke Suzu." She whined. "Did you really have to turn me green?"

Suzuka huffed. "Just a joke, ha. I had every right to retaliate after what you did to me. Just be thankful it wasn't worse." Then she quickly pinned her eyes on Jim, who had been slowly inching his way out of the kitchen while they were fighting. "And you, Jim." She said pointing a finger at him accusingly.

Gulping, Jim stopped moving and turned around. "Yes maam." He replied, hoping that being respectful and sucking up would make her go easy on him.

"Don't think you're off the hook. I know this was your idea, so I'm coming after you next." Suzuka said smirking devilishly.

Jim paled and swallowed nervously. 'I'm so dead.' He thought as he high-tailed it away from the revenge seeking assassin.

Suzuka turned back to Aisha and smiled. "Since we are now even, how would you like to help me with Jim?"

Grinning, Aisha's eyes lit up. "I'd love to." She said rubbing her hands together.

While they were whispering ideas to each other Gene and Mel headed out of the kitchen.

"Do you think Jim will be ok?" Melfina asked worriedly.

"Yeah." Gene replied nodding. "They'd never go as far as to hurt him, but he'll probably wish they had after they get through with him."

"Poor Jim." Mel said sadly.

"Eh, don't worry about him. He deserves whatever they do to him." He said trying to ease her fears. "Besides we _really_ don't want to get involved. Who knows what they might do to us." He said shuddering at the thought.

Melfina just nodded her head in agreement as they continued on their way.


	6. Aww How Cute, Jim's a Girl

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Outlaw Star or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

Aww How Cute, Jim's a Girl

* * *

**THUMP**

Aisha jumped up off the floor. "What was that for Suzu?" She hissed through clenched teeth. Really, did she have to kick her off her bed?

"It's time." Suzuka said cryptically.

"Huh?" Aisha said blinking. "Time for what?"

Suzuka rolled her eyes. "It's time to put our plan into action."

"Ohh, that time." Aisha said stretching. "Ok, just let me get breakfast first."

Hitting Aisha over the head, Suzuka sighed. "It's not time for breakfast yet you dope, it's only midnight."

"Yawn. No wonder I'm still tired." Aisha said as she dove back under her blankets. "We'll do it later Suzu." And soon she was snoring loudly.

Suzuka walked back over to the bed and grabbed her ear. "You agreed to help, now get your lazy butt up." With that she lifted Aisha out of bed and shoved her towards the door. "And be quiet, we don't want to wake anyone else up."

Nodding, Aisha followed Suzuka as she snuck down the hallway to Jim's room.

Opening his door they slipped inside quietly. "You do the clothes Aisha and I'll do his hair and makeup." Suzuka whispered evilly handing her a bag.

"Be glad to." Aisha whispered back.

So Aisha headed to Jim's closet and started throwing all of his clothes into the bag Suzuka had just given her.

"Done." She said quietly as she tossed the bag out the door. That way they could toss it in the trash when they were done.

Stopping what she was doing, Suzuka threw a large bag over to Aisha. "Put these away in there." She whispered, pointing to the now empty closet.

Aisha stared at the bag dumbly. "Um, where did this bag come from?" She asked quietly. "I didn't know you could make things appear out of thin air."

Suzuka rolled her eyes. 'She's even dumber when she's half asleep.' She thought. "It was on my back you idiot, now get to work."

Giving her a mock salute, Aisha went back to work.

While Aisha was dealing with Jim's clothes, Suzuka took the smaller of the two bags she had on her back and pulled out a long blond wig. Smirking she tucked his hair into the wig and pulled it into place. 'Now to make sure it doesn't move.' She thought as she pulled out some glue and applied it around the edges of the wig, making sure to press it firmly against Jim's skin.

Now she was really glad that she had slipped sleeping pills into his tea last night. He definitely would have woken up when she began tugging on the wig to make sure it was stuck onto him tight. 'Perfect.' She thought. 'Now for the finishing touch.'

Suzuka coated his lips with dark red lipstick and his eyelids with baby blue eye shadow. Looking at her handiwork she had to stifle a laugh. "Aisha come look." She whispered.

Hanging up her last item Aisha walked over next to the bed and looked at Jim. Seeing what Suzuka had done, Aisha clamped her hands over her mouth and ran out of the room muffling her laughter.

Getting up, Suzuka grabbed all of the items that they brought and walked out of his room. 'Now, to wait for morning.' She thought as she grabbed the bag of his clothes and started back towards her room.

oooooNext Morning

Aisha and Suzuka were both sitting at the kitchen table with matching evil smiles when Gene walked in.

He was about to ask what the faces were for when he heard a scream. "You guys got Jim didn't you?" He asked shaking his head.

Jim woke up and went to brush his teeth, and that was when he saw it. He had long blond hair, since when? And was that makeup on his face too? Shocked, he did the only thing he could think of at that moment, he screamed in terror. 'Oh no, Suzuka attacked.' He thought frightened. Jim yanked at the hair to remove it and froze. It wasn't moving. Pulling on it again, he ran off into the kitchen to find Suzuka.

"How come it won't come off?" He yelled, pointing to Suzuka's work.

"Because it wouldn't be super glue if it did." She said smirking.

Jim paled. "You super glued it on?" Seeing her nod Jim lowered his head and sighed.

"HAHAAHA. Jim you look like a girl." Gene said laughing. "Maybe we should start calling you Jenny."

"Shut up Gene." Jim said angrily. "This doesn't concern you." Turning back to Suzuka, he sighed. "Does this mean we're even?" He asked.

Suzuka tapped her chin thoughtfully. "I suppose."

Aisha, who had been unable to speak because she was laughing so hard, slapped Jim on the shoulder. "That was so funny. Although you would have looked better if you'd worn one of your new outfits." She said looking at his boxers.

Jim's eyes widened. "What new outfits?" He asked fearfully.

"Oh, I guess you didn't see the new clothes that came with your new look." Suzuka said grinning.

Paling, Jim ran out of the kitchen to see what they were talking about. Throwing open his closet, he screamed. "You've got to be kidding me." There in-front of him were all sorts of dresses, skirts and frilly t-shirts. All in pinks, purples, blues and yellows. That was all too much for him to handle, and Jim promptly passed out.

Back in the kitchen Gene was congratulating the girls on a job well done. "He's never looked better." He said laughing as he got up to leave. "With you three around there's never a dull moment, that's for sure."

Smiling they went back to their meals. They were even, for now.


	7. HiHoHiHo It's Off to Ballet We Go

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Outlaw Star or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

Hi-Ho-Hi-Ho It's Off to Ballet We Go

* * *

Glancing around nervously, Gene quickly stuffed an object into his small black bag. "Well I'll be back later you guys." He said as he swiftly walked off the ship.

"Where's he going?" Jim asked Aisha, who was currently shoveling food down her throat.

"No clue, but who cares." She replied shrugging as she grabbed another plate of food. "Here, eat." Aisha told Jim as she held a plate out in-front of him.

Shaking his head, he declined. "No thanks. I think I'm gonna follow Gene and find out what he's up to."

"What do you mean?" Aisha asked between bites. "Why do you think he's up to something?"

Jim rolled his eyes. "Obviously you've failed to notice that every day this week, at exactly 2 o-clock, Gene packs up a black bag and leaves for two hours."

"Nyah." Aisha said cocking her head and tapping her chin in thought. "You're right, he does. But what difference does it make? Gene's a big boy now he can do what he wants."

Sighing, Jim rubbed his temples. Sometimes Aisha was really annoying. "Aren't you in the least bit curious?"

"Nope, don't care." She said getting back to her meal.

"Whatever, I'm still going." Jim said as he headed towards the exit.

Not raising her eyes from her food, Aisha halfheartedly waved him off. "Eh, do what you want."

Jim ran off the ship in search of Gene. 'He couldn't have gone that far.' He thought to himself as he looked around the docking area. Seeing a flash of red hair Jim smirked and took off after him, making sure to keep himself hidden from view. He followed Gene down a crowded street for many blocks until he stopped. 'What's he up to now?' Jim asked himself. He watched as Gene glanced around suspiciously and then he quickly fled down a dark alley. Jim was totally confused, why would Gene be hanging around in an alley? 'Oh well.' He thought following him around the corner. He made it just in time to see Gene walking into a poorly lit doorway at the end of the darkened alleyway. Once he was sure that he was inside, Jim walked towards the door to see where it led. Looking around he was surprised to see that the door had a sign that said 'Stage Entrance' on it. 'What the hell?' He thought confused. 'Stage Entrance? What is that all about?' Placing his hand on the cold doorknob he slowly began twisting it. "Well, here goes nothing." He said quietly as he threw the door open.

Jim was temporarily blinded by the bright stage lights, but as his vision cleared he really wished that he was still unable to see. At least then he never would have witnessed this. Gene was up on stage dancing in a pink unitard "Oh God, the horror." He whined pitifully as he covered his eyes quickly. Whatever he had thought Gene was doing, this was definitely not it. Never in a million years had Jim ever imagined that Gene would take up ballet. It just wasn't right. No Outlaw should ever do anything this…disturbing. After he got over the initial shock, Jim smirked evilly. Hey, as long as no one knew he was here, why not. Reaching into his pants pocket he pulled out his small video camera. 'I knew I'd get some interesting footage, but I never thought it would be this juicy.' He thought maliciously. Focusing on his friend; he smiled as he pressed record. Yes the others were going to just love this little show.

Hours later Gene walked back onboard his ship. "Hey everyone, I'm back." He said as he walked into the kitchen. Seeing everyone focused on something very intently, he made to ask them what was up. "What are you watc-." He stopped his sentence as he finally saw what they were looking at. It was some footage of his dancing. Gene paled. "W-where did y-you g-get t-this?" He asked stuttering.

"Shh, not now." Suzuka said waving her hand in a shushing movement. "It's getting good."

Gene just sat down and watched as his crewmates laughed at his performance. How he wished he could just crawl under a rock and never come out. It was so embarrassing to have them see that. His covered his face with his hands and he shook his head dejectedly. They were never going to let him live this down. Someone out there must really hate him.

When the show was over everyone started laughing, it was so darn funny watching the hot headed pilot prancing around on a stage with nothing but a pink form-fitting outfit on. Melfina was laughing softly, she didn't want to totally squash Gene's ego. Suzuka was just smirking; it was beneath her to laugh out loud. _She_ still had her pride to maintain. Aisha, however, was laughing so hard she was crying. She never thought she'd see the day that Gene would do something so totally…un-Gene like. And Jim was simply sitting on a chair watching the others reactions. I mean come on; he'd already seen his little recording several times so it wasn't really a shock to him now. Scary, hell yes. Shocking, no. Okay, so maybe it was still a _little_ shocking.

Mel, being the first to get her laughter under control, looked to Gene curiously. "Why did you do it Gene?" She asked, waving her hand at the TV screen.

Blinking, Gene looked up. However the answer he gave was not what she had been expecting. In fact it had shocked all of them.

"I lost a bet with Fred Luo and he decided that that would be my payment." Gene replied miserably.

"You did it because of a lost bet?" Jim asked making sure he heard correctly.

All Gene could do was nod.

"If you don't mind me asking." Suzuka pressed. "What was the bet for?"

"Moe rhd fbfd vb." Gene mumbled.

"What was that?" Asked Aisha.

"I bet Fred that I could beat him in a game of checkers." He said pathetically.

There was silence for a minute and then the laughter broke out again.

"Hahaaha. I can't believe you lost a bet over that." Jim said clutching his sides. "That's really pathetic, even for you."

Gene just nodded his head sadly and got up to leave. He could only take so much embarrassment in one day. Now it was time for him to hide in his room until the whole incidence could be forgotten. 'Yeah, and that's gonna happen.' He thought sarcastically.

The remaining four in the kitchen just continued to laugh as they watched him leave. Really, if he was stupid enough to bet against Fred, especially on something as silly as checkers, then he deserved whatever he got.


	8. Who's A Black Belt?

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Outlaw Star or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

Who's a Black Belt

* * *

Ron and Harry MacDougall had just arrived at Blue Heaven for a little rest and relaxation. They had recently finished a job for a wealthy business owner, he had wanted some competition eliminated, and now they had a break before their next assignment.

Ron had left a few hours ago saying something about meeting a potential employer. Meanwhile Harry was sitting on their ship, the El Dorado, bored out of his mind. It's not that he couldn't go and do anything; it's just that he wanted to be out working. He liked his job, a lot. Deciding to take a walk to get his mind off of his boredom, Harry strolled off the ship and started to leave the dock.

Suddenly a red ship caught his eye. 'No way.' He thought. 'It couldn't be.' Walking towards said ship, he grinned. Today must be his lucky day, for right there in front of him was the Outlaw Star. And that meant, 'Melfina'. Deciding that maybe he could try to get her to come with him, _again_, Harry took off towards the ship. Before he got there though, he saw his beloved walking towards the town. 'Perfect.' He thought. 'She's alone. Now I can talk to her with out that stupid Gene butting in.' Running in Melfina's direction, he started tailing her. 'Might as well find out what she's up to.' Harry thought grinning.

He followed her for around 15 minutes until she came to a stop outside a Dojo. 'What is she doing here?' Harry asked himself. 'Probably trying to sign up for lessons in self defense, since she seems to get into a lot of trouble.'

Harry waited outside for over an hour until Melfina finally emerged. He saw her waving to a few people and then she started walking back towards her ship. "Hey Melfina." He said as he walked up to her. "How have you been?"

Melfina paused when she heard her name. Turning around she gasped. "H-harry what are you doing here?" She asked fearfully as she began backing away.

"Don't be afraid, I came to take you with me." Harry said smiling as he grabbed her hand.

"NO! I don't want to go with you." Mel said, trying to remove his hand.

"Now don't be that way Mefina. Come with me and I promise I'll take care of you, and you'll never have to take classes to learn how to protect yourself because I'd never let anyone harm you." He said as he looked at the Dojo. He assumed that she was being forced to take the classes by Gene because she was unable to defend herself. He couldn't have been any further from the truth.

Grabbing the hand that was currently attached to her wrist, Melfina twisted it back and flipped him onto his back. "Who said anything about taking lessons?" She asked pinning him with her foot. "I'm an instructor here."

Harry's eyes widened. 'No way, _his_ Melfina was a karate instructor. Since when? And how did he not know she could do that? No matter.' He thought. He still wanted her.

"Forget what I said about lessons then." Harry said smiling. "Just come with me, I know we'll be happy together."

"I will never go with you." Melfina said angrily. "I'm staying with Gene."

Getting out of the pin Harry jumped up and got ready to drag her with him. "Look, just forget about Gene." He said lunging at her. If she wouldn't go willingly he'd take her by force.

Melfina sidestepped his lunge and tripped him. "I'd leave if I were you, before you get hurt." She said smirking.

Harry shook his head and stood up. He was not leaving without her. He went after her again and this time he was not as lucky. Melfina punched him in the stomach and then kneed him between the legs. After that she kicked his legs out from beneath him and he fell on his back, hard. Taking the ribbon out of her hair, she tied his right hand behind his back and attached it to his left leg. Smiling, Melfina stood up and brushed herself off. "Well, have a nice day Harry." She said as she walked off.

Harry groaned. Could this day get any worse? First Melfina kicked his ass and now he was stuck on the ground tied up. And to make matters worse people were pointing at him and laughing. Suddenly he heard a very familiar laugh. 'Yep this day can get worse.' He thought dejectedly.

Ron was walking down a crowded street when he saw a group of people standing around someone that was on the ground. When he got closer he heard the people around him laughing and wondered what was going on. Then he saw it. There on the ground was his brother Harry, he was covered in dirt and had a hand tied behind his back to his leg. Laughing he walked up to him. "Need a hand Harry?" He asked smirking.

"What do you think?" Harry asked annoyed. "Just hurry up and let me loose."

Reaching down to untie his little brother Ron asked him what happened.

"Well…I got bored so I decided to go for a walk and I saw the Outlaw Star. Figuring I could talk to Melfina I headed towards it. Lucky for me though, she was going somewhere so I followed her. We ended up here, and after waiting for her to come out I tried to get her to come with me. Then she…." And he mumbled the rest under his breath.

"Then she what?" Ron asked confused.

"She beat me up." Harry said quietly.

Ron just stood there dumfounded. Then he busted out laughing. "Hahaha…Melfina beat you up. That's too funny." Ron continued to laugh as Harry started heading back to their ship. He had to go and lick his wounds. He had been beat by the weak looking Melfina. 'Yeah.' He thought shaking his head. 'But looks can be deceiving. Who would have guessed that she was a black belt?'


	9. I'm Stuck On You?

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Outlaw Star or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

I'm Stuck On You

* * *

Just as Gene was getting comfortable on the couch someone yelled. Groaning, Gene shook his head. 'Those two are getting on my last nerve.' He thought annoyed. Suzuka and Aisha had gotten into a fight about _something_ over a week ago, and they were still at it. He doubted they even remembered what had caused the fight, but he was going to end it. 'I know just what to do.' He thought rubbing his hands together while grinning evilly. 'Now, to get them close to each other after dinner.'

Dinner came and went and thankfully no one noticed the powder Gene had slipped into Aisha and Suzuka's cups. 'Just a little something to help them sleep, _better_.' He thought grinning. 'Now, to get them to sit by each other.' While the others where cleaning their plates, he quickly ran into the living room and laid down on the couch. Jim and Melfina had said they were going to go shopping, so that would leave the loveseat for Suzuka and Aisha. Since neither of them liked sitting on the floor they'd have to sit next to each other.

Suzuka came in first and headed towards the loveseat, she had just sat down when Aisha came in.

"Where am I going to sit?" Aisha whined when she saw Gene sprawled on the couch and Suzuka sitting on the loveseat.

Smirking, Gene pointed to the empty seat next to Suzuka. "You can sit there."

"WHAT! I'm not sitting by her!" Aisha screamed.

"Like I'd want you to." Suzuka said rolling her eyes.

"Oh stop being a big baby and have a seat." Gene said annoyed.

"Fine, but I'm not going to like it." Aisha muttered, as she sat down as far from Suzuka as possible.

Gene hid his smile in the couch. Things were going exactly as he planned. Now he just needed to wait for them to fall as-. His thoughts were cut off when he heard snoring. After waiting for an hour until he was sure they were asleep he sat up. 'Now to put my plan into action.' Gene stood up and walked quietly over to the sleeping pair making sure not to disturb them. After all, who knows how long they'd be out? He stood over them for about ten minutes, working tediously until he was finally finished. Standing back he observed his handiwork. 'Not bad.' He thought grinning like mad. 'Now t-.'

Suddenly Aisha yawned and started to stand up. 'Oh no.' Gene thought frantically. They were supposed to wake up after he was gone. Now he'd have to try and sneak out before they realized what he'd done. He started to slowly inch his way out of the living room when he heard a 'thud' and then Aisha screaming. He knew he should just run but he was caught, he just had to see what was going on. Turning around he had to cover his mouth to stop himself from cracking up laughing. Aisha had fallen onto the floor and was now on her stomach with her right hand bent behind her back. Her hand was attached to Suzuka's left hand, so Suzuka was now bending forward halfway on top of Aisha.

Suzuka tried to pull their hands free, but she couldn't. "What did you do?" She growled at Gene. "I can't get my hand free."

Waving his hands in front of his body, Gene began backing away. "It's only a little glue, but don't worry its temporary. I did it so you guys would stop fighting. I figured you'd tolerate each other more if you had to spend every minute with each other."

"YOU WHAT?" Aisha screamed. "How could you do this to me?"

Suzuka narrowed her eyes. "Yes, he only did it to you." She said holding up their stuck hands.

Gene saw this as his chance to run and headed to the door. But Suzuka saw him and cut off Aisha before she could start ranting again.

"He's getting away." She said.

Aisha growled. "No he's not." She said as she lunged after him. Unfortunatley she had forgotten that Suzuka was attached to her so she ended up dragging her along with her in her pursuit of Gene.

He had just made it to the door when he was grabbed by the neck and thrown back. Putting his hands on his head, he tried to get the little yellow birdies to stop flying around in circles. Gene was so busy focusing on his head that he forgot about the two angry women that had just thrown him. That was a very big mistake.

Seeing as his attention was elsewhere the girls pounced on him. "Now what should we do with him?" Aisha asked, sitting on his stomach.

Suzuka tapped her chin in thought. "We could handcuff him to Fred Luo." She said smirking.

Gene paled. "No, anything but that. Please don't be so cruel." He whined pitifully.

Aisha grinned. "I like that idea. Now we just have to call him down here."

Suzuka stood up and reached for the phone, luckily there was a phone close by. She dialed a number and after some mumbling was heard she sat back down next to Gene. "He'll be here in 10 minutes." She said wickedly. "When I told him the idea he squealed in delight."

Fifteen minutes later Suzuka and Aisha walked out of the building wearing identical smirks. Sure they were still stuck together, but it was nothing a little rubbing alcohol couldn't fix. And Gene's screams of terror more than made up for it. Now they just had to decide when to release the two of them. Although, they did make a really cute couple.


	10. Evil Baby Pictures Of Doom

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Outlaw Star or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

Evil Baby Pictures of Doom

* * *

"Hey Mel, what's up?" Jim asked as he walked into the cockpit of the Outlaw Star. He had just finished unloading their replenished supplies and was currently looking for something to occupy his time.

"Oh, hi Jim." Melfina said as she quickly shut of the computer screen. Looking up at Jim, she smiled nervously. "I was just finishing up some…um…research. Yeah that's it, research. And now that I'm finished, I'll be on my way." Standing up, she slid her hand behind her back and ejected a small disk from the computer. Taking extra care to make sure that Jim wouldn't see it; she hid it in her hand and took off through the doorway.

"Now that was strange." Jim thought aloud. "I wonder what it was all about." Shaking his head at Mel's unusual behavior, he sat down where she had previously been sitting and turned the screen back on. His eyes opened impossibly wide. "W-where d-did t-this come f-from?" He stuttered. Glancing around to make sure no one else had seen it, he promptly deleted the offending image. Okay, so it was only a photo of him as a baby put up as the computers wallpaper, but he was sure that he'd die of embarrassment if the rest of the crew saw it. It was bad enough that Mel had most likely seen his naked baby picture, but if Aisha or Gene had seen it, he would never be able to live it down.

'File Deleted.' The computer screen flashed in bold red letters.

"Well thank god that's over with." Jim said breathing a sigh of relief. Now no one would ever be able to see that picture. Glad that that fiasco was finished he got up and headed out of the cockpit.

oooooNext Morning

Blinking, Jim slowly began focusing his eyes. 'Why is there something in front of my eyes?' He thought groggily. Shooing the offending object away with his hand, Jim froze. Seeing that it was his baby picture again, he did the only thing a person in his position would do, he screamed like a little girl. "AAAAAAHHHHH. HOW DID? WHO DID? WHY?" He was so shocked that his sentences all came out incomplete. Suddenly his door flew open and Gene came in, gun drawn, with Aisha right behind him. Seeing that he was still holding the photo he quickly stuffed it under his pillow.

"Are you alright? What happened?" Gene asked worried. "Why'd you scream?"

Scratching the back of his head, Jim smiled sheepishly. "Um…I saw a…spider." He said stupidly.

Gene blinked once, twice, and then hit him squarely over the head. "You idiot! Don't scream unless you're in trouble! I thought that maybe someone had attacked us in our sleep!" Shaking his head angrily, Gene stormed out of his room and headed down the hall.

Aisha just growled and gave Jim a fierce glare before she left too.

Sighing, Jim stood up and pulled the picture out from beneath his pillow. "I don't know how you got here, but you won't be here any longer." He told the inanimate object as he tore it into many tiny pieces.

Breakfast was a quiet affair, well as quiet as it can be with Gene and Aisha constantly arguing. Afterwards Jim headed to the engine room to get some work done. He had just turned a corner when something caught his eye and he stopped abruptly. 'No, it couldn't be.' He thought frantically. Peering back around the corner, Jim gasped. The little Gilliam bots were working, but that's not what was scaring him. They all had that same baby picture of him taped to their backs. 'What is going on?' He thought. 'Where are they all coming from?' Hearing distant voices, he panicked. 'I'll deal with that later, right now I need to get rid of all of them.' So Jim ran as fast as he could from one robot to another, pulling the photos into his hand. He'd barely managed to grab the last of them and flee the room just as Aisha walked in. 'That was way too close.' He thought as he tossed the pictures into the trash.

"I'm beginning to think those pictures are cursed." Jim whined. "No matter where I go, they always seem to find me." Deciding that he needed a break he headed to the kitchen to get a snack. When he walked through the doorway his eyes widened in fright and he began to panic.

"THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!" Jim screamed, blocking his eyes from the horrible sight in front of him. "I can't get away from the cursed evil baby pictures!" Throwing his hands in the air, he ran out of the room as fast as he could, screaming about how someone was out to get him.

The crew just stood there flabbergasted. It was only a few pictures of Jim when he was a baby. What was so scary about that? Besides, he looked kinda cute in the picture.

"Um…what did he mean by 'Someone's out to get me'?" Gene asked puzzled, his eyes never leaving the direction Jim headed in.

"I have absolutely no idea." Suzuka said shaking her head in confusion while Aisha simply shrugged her shoulders.

The three of them were so busy paying attention to Jim that they failed to notice Melfina hide a smirk behind her hand. She really hadn't meant for it to go as far as it did, she'd only put the picture as the background on the computer as a joke. But Jim's reaction had been priceless so she'd continued to put the pictures up where he would see them. Now she was really glad she had, because it was extremely hilarious listening to him run around the ship screaming about possessed baby pictures and the evil people who were out to get him. Smiling at her accomplishment, Melfina went back to her food while she continued to listen to Jim's screams as they got quieter and quieter.


	11. The Cat's Out Of the Bag Literally

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Outlaw Star or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

The Cat's Out of the Bag…Literally

* * *

"What the hell was that?!" Gene asked shakily as he hid behind Melfina. He had just walked into the living room with Jim and Mel, when the bag on the coffee table had begun to move.

"God Gene, could you be any more pathetic?" Jim asked shaking his head. "And I thought you were supposed to be our fearless leader." Looking at the bag he saw a black fluffy tail swishing back and forth. "See, it's only a little kitten." Sure enough, right after Jim said that the bag opened up the rest of the way and a tiny head with black fur emerged as if it was summoned.

"Meow." It said as it crawled free of its prison. Cocking its head, the kitten looked up at the people before him and blinked.

"Awe, how cute!" Mel squealed as she dropped to her knees and began to cuddle the adorable ball of fur. "What's his name?"

"His name's Shadow." Aisha said as she walked into the room. "I found him while I was out on a job and just had to bring him home. He was way too cute to leave outside all alone."

Gene, who had been standing rooted to his spot since the kitten appeared, spoke. "G-get that evil creature out of here, NOW!" He said pointing at said kitten.

"But why?" Aisha asked as she nuzzled the kitten's fur. "He hasn't done anything wrong. And besides, he's just too adorable." To prove her point, she held Shadow's little paw up in the air and made him wave.

"I don't care what you think!" Gene said annoyed. "I will not allow that, that…thing to stay here."

Aisha stood up pouting. "That's not very fair. Just because you don't want him around doesn't mean that I can't have him stay in my room." As she was saying this, she was moving closer to Gene, who kept cringing and backing up further. Seeing his reaction, Aisha paused. Then her eyes widened and she began to laugh. "Ha- D-on't tell –ha- me you're afraid of a –haha- little kitten." She said as her eyes began to water.

"O-of course n-not." Gene stuttered. "I just don't want one near me." He said as he ducked behind Jim.

"Come on Gene." Jim said smirking as he moved Gene in front of him and then shoved him towards the cat. "He's not going to bite you."

"You don't know that." Gene said as he eyed the creature suspiciously. Reaching his hand out, ever so slowly, he tried to pet the innocent ball of fluff.

The kitten slightly raised his small black paw. "KYAAAAAAAAAAH" Gene screamed as he put his hands in front of his face to shield it from the kitten's attack.

"Mreow" Shadow said as he started to lick his paw.

Jim, Aisha and Melfina stood there in shock, before they all doubled over in laughter.

"Hahaha- You _really_ are afraid of cats." Jim managed to say between laughing fits. "That's too funny."

Aisha could barely stand up she was laughing so hard. And Melfina was wiping her eyes as she tried to calm herself down.

"I'm not afraid of cats." Gene huffed. "I just don't like them, that's all." He said as crossed his arms and turned his back on his crew.

"Reeeeaaaaally?" Jim asked snorting. "That's not what it looked like from where I was standing."

"Oh, just butt out Jim." Gene said angrily. "You don't know what you're talking about."

While Gene was paying attention to Jim, Aisha snuck up next to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

"What do you wan--" Gene said as he turned to face her. Unfortunately he ended up looking directly into the face of the thing he was currently trying to avoid.

Cocking his head cutely, the kitten yawned. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH" Gene screamed before he turned and high-tailed it out of the room. "Get that evil thing away from me."

Aisha just smirked. "I guess he is afraid of you after all." She said as she sat down and began to pet Shadow again. "Who'd a thought that our brave and all mighty captain would be afraid of a helpless little thing like you?" She coed to the little kitten that had decided to fall asleep in her arms. "Sometimes he is truly pathetic."


	12. Do You Know the Muffin Man?

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Outlaw Star or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

Do You Know the Muffin Man

* * *

'I'm sooooo bored.' Fred Luo thought as he tapped his fingers against his desk. Sure he had a great job and lots of money, but he was always stuck inside his office doing paperwork. His life was so BORING. "Argh" He said as he let his head drop onto his hand. "I have got to get out of here before I go crazy." Stacking the files he was currently reading into a somewhat organized pile, he quickly glanced in the mirror to make sure he looked presentable and then headed out the door.

"Ah, fresh air." Fred said as he sniffed the air around him. Suddenly a car sped by and he started hacking. "That –cough- was just –cough- great." He said as he tried to get the noxious fumes out of his mouth and nose. Once he was able to breathe again, he continued his trek. He had no idea where he was going so he simply went where his feet led him.

After about 20 minutes of walking Fred was starting to get bored again, when suddenly a sign in a bakery window got his attention. 'Help Wanted' it said. Smiling to himself, Fred began whistling off key and headed in to apply for the position.

ooooo2 Weeks Later

Gene was pissed, first he was forced to do the breakfast dishes and now they send him out for bread like a common errand boy. Mumbling under his breath, he began kicking a rock down the street. "Stupid……annoying……treats me like a kid." Was all anyone was able to make out as he continued to complain about his misfortune. After walking for what seemed like hours, but was in reality only about 10 minutes, he finally made it to the bakery. Now all he needed to do was get the dumb bread and he could be on his way. Gene opened the door and walked into the small store that smelled of freshly baked bread. Looking around, he groaned. There had to be at least 20 different types of bread here. Which kind was he supposed to get? Pulling out the list that Melfina had written for him, he unfolded the small sheet of paper and froze. 'Sure, that's a lot of help.' He thought sarcastically. Instead of putting any helpful information on the list all Mel had done was write 'bread' over and over in huge bold letters. Crumpling the letter up, Gene looked back at all the choices. 'What do I do?' He thought. Then he noticed a man standing at the counter with his back to him, so he walked over to get some help. "Excuse me, could you help me please?" Gene asked politely.

"Of course." A familiar voice said as the man turned around. The two men saw each other and froze. Gene was the first to snap out of his shock.

"Uh…hi Fred, what's up?" Gene asked slightly confused. Since when did Fred Luo, an all powerful and very wealthy man, work at a bakery? However, just as he was about to voice his question, Fred came out of his daze and screamed.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Fred yelled as he started to panic. 'This is not good, what do I do?' He thought worriedly. Seeing a tray of fresh muffins on his right, he quickly grabbed several and began throwing them at Gene's head. "GET OUT OF HERE NOW!! AND DON'T EVER SPEAK OF THIS TO ANYONE!!" He said as he continued to chuck the muffins.

Gene, who had been expertly dodging the delicious looking projectiles, was laughing his head off. "I –ha- can't believe –haha- you work at a –ha- bakery." Seeing Fred's face flushed with anger, he decided to leave before he exploded. "Well I'll see ya later muffin man." And with a wave of his hand he took off out of the store. It was a good thing too, because just a few minutes later more yelling and screaming could be heard, followed by a very loud, and probably painful, 'thud'. "Let's just hope I don't have to go and see the 'Muffin Man' about anything anytime soon, I doubt he'd be too happy to see me." Gene said to himself as he headed towards another bakery. He still had bread to buy after all.

After Gene had left, Fred's boss had come in. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?" She screamed as she surveyed the damage. She had just come back from making some purchases when she heard screaming, so she had raced inside to find out what was happening. To her complete surprise she saw her newest employee throwing muffins at a customer. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHY WERE YOU ASSULTING MY CUSTOMERS?!"

Gulping, Fred paled. "Uhh…well you see…it's like this…" He said pausing several times while he tried to come up with an explanation.

Deciding she didn't want to hear any excuses, she waved her hand, silently telling him to shut up. "Never mind, you're fired." She said as she began to clean her store of the muffin crumbs.

"W-what? You can't fire me, I'm Fred Luo one of the richest men alive." He sputtered.

His boss just scoffed. "I don't care who you are, you scared away a customer and made a mess of my store. So, you're fired. Now get your stuff and get out." She said pointing towards the door.

"Well I didn't want to work in this tacky store anyways." Fred huffed as he took off his apron and grabbed his coat. Suddenly he felt something hit him over the head hard, and a few seconds later a wet and lumpy substance began running down his neck and back. Reaching a hand up slowly, Fred pulled some of the stuff off his head and looked at it. She had dumped muffin mix on his head? Turning to face his former employer, he clenched his hands into fists. There she stood with an empty bowl of mix in her hands, and to top it all of she had a wicked smile on her face.

"Now get out of my 'tacky' store before I decide to bake and decorate you." She all but growled out.

Nodding dumbly, Fred complied. She looked very scary. Besides all that paperwork in his office was starting to look very appealing to him now. Pulling off as much of the muffin mix as he could, Fred hid behind the bakery and called for his car. After all it would be very embarrassing if he had to walk out in public looking like this.


	13. How Not to Catch a Thief

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Outlaw Star or anything affiliated with said show. I also don't own any of the cartoon themes that are mentioned.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

How Not to Catch a Thief

* * *

It was just another normal day onboard the XGP. Melfina and Gene were on the bridge discussing routes with Gilliam, while Jim was uploading another one of his programs to the ships mainframe. Suzuka was, of course, sitting calmly drinking her tea. Suddenly, the crew heard a scream.

"AAAAHHH!!" Aisha bellowed. "Where are my hair scrunchies? Somebody stole my scrunchies!"

See, what did I tell you? Just another typical day onboard the Outlaw Star. Anyways, back to the story.

Aisha came storming onto the bridge with a growl. Glaring, she waited for everyone's attention. Once the crew was focused on her she cleared her throat and began to speak. "It has come to my attention that we have a thief onboard." She stated firmly with a nod of her head.

"Not this again." Gene said, shaking his head. "No one is stealing your hair ties."

"That's right." Jim said agreeing. "Last time this happened you said the same thing, only to find them the next day under your bed."

"And the time before that they were under the bathroom sink." Melfina said.

"And the time before that they were in the kitchen, and before that they were in your closet." Suzuka said. "Must we go through this every time you forget where you place them?"

"I know you're getting old, but I can't believe your memory's going this fast." Jim said with a smirk.

"Why you little brat!" Aisha snapped, before reaching over to try and strangle the young know-it-all.

"That's enough you two." Gene said angrily before Aisha could reach her target. "This is the fifth time this week you lost your hair ties, and frankly I'm tired of hearing about it." Putting up a hand to stop her protests, he continued. "And no it's not a thief. We already ruled that possibility out awhile ago. There's no one else onboard and you personally interrogated all of us and ruled us out. So that means that you must be misplacing them. Besides, who would want to steal your hair ties just to give them back the next day?"

Seeing everyone else nod in agreement, Aisha huffed. "I'll prove that it's not just me, I'm going to catch that thief." And so, Aisha set out to do just that.

ooooo

Very early the next morning the Gene awoke to the sound of a hammer pounding against a wall of the ship. "What the hell is going on?" Gene mumbled as he stumbled down the corridor towards the noise. "Oh. My. God. What in the world are you doing to my ship?" He asked Aisha while he continued to stare at her room.

Apparently Aisha had meant what she said about catching the thief, because she had stayed up the entire night rigging her bedroom with all kinds of traps.

"I feel like I've just walked into a cartoon." Gene muttered shaking his head.

Suddenly, Jim appeared at his side. "What was all that no-WOAH! What the heck happened in here?" Jim asked. "Is ACME going out of business or something?"

"Ha ha, very funny Jim." Aisha said as she continued to run a rope along the ceiling. "Just you guys wait, this'll definitely catch the person who keeps stealing my scrunchies."

Gene and Jim looked at each other before shaking their heads. No one could stop Aisha once she got an idea in her head.

"Well I'm going back to bed." Gene said as he stifled a yawn. "Keep the noise down will ya." He said as he headed back to his room.

Jim continued to watch Aisha as she tried to hang a large box from the ceiling. "What? Couldn't find an anvil?" He asked with a smirk.

Aisha leapt at him, but he took off down the hallway before she could reach him. "Damn brat." Shaking her head, she went back to rigging her trap.

ooooo

Several hours later, Aisha was fast asleep on her bed when she heard a strange noise. Jumping up, she flicked on her light hoping to catch the thief. As soon as her eyes adjusted to the light, she froze. "I knew it was you, you little brat!" She screamed as she leapt towards the culprit. Unfortunately, she had forgotten about all the traps she had put up. Her foot hit one of the many trip wires and her elaborate trap was set off. Aisha could only stand there watching as the rope on the ceiling was cut. Before the box above her head crushed her, she held up a sign.

**BOOM**

Jim just stood in the hallway with a smirk on his face. 'Leave it to Aisha to set off her own crazy trap.' He thought to himself with a chuckle. 'That made all those times of stealing these stupid hair ties worth it.' Laughing, he headed back towards his room. 'And that sign she held up was classic.' He thought as he remembered what it had said.

YIKES!!


	14. A Tealess Suzuka

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Outlaw Star or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

A Tea-less Suzuka

* * *

'It's so peaceful in the morning.' Suzuka thought as she put a kettle of water on the stove. 'At least until everyone wakes up.' Sitting down at the table, she began to idly play with her teacup while she waited. Hearing a whistle, Suzuka stood up and pulled the water off the burner. Pulling open the cupboard above the stove, she reached her hand up and froze. Something wasn't right. Looking up, her eyes widened as she took in the sight. Her precious tea was gone. "JIM!!" She screamed as she flew out of the kitchen. Throwing open his door, Suzuka collapsed by his bed. "J-jim, the tea is gone." She cried. Getting no response, she brought her fist down on the boy's head, hard.

"Ow!" Jim cried out as he sat up. "What was that for? I'm trying to sleep."

"My tea is gone." Suzuka sniffled pitifully.

"Hmm?" Jim yawned as he scratched his head sleepily. Seeing the assassin narrow her eyes, he shook his head and tried to focus. "Ok, so you're tea is gone." Jim said as the cobwebs began to clear.

"That's what I said." Suzuka replied in annoyance. "But why is the tea gone? You're supposed to make sure the kitchen is always stocked."

"Oh, I must have gotten so busy yesterday that I completely forgot." Jim said as he stretched. "I'll get some when I go out later today."

"But I need some now." Suzuka whined. When Jim just raised an eyebrow, she narrowed her eyes. "You have 30 seconds to get out of your bed before I destroy it." She said as she held out her bokken. "With or without you in it."

Paling, Jim flew out of bed and tossed on some clothes. "I'll be back in 10 minutes." He said before running off.

Smiling happily, Suzuka went back to the kitchen and put her water back on while she waited for her tea to arrive.

Nine minutes and 45 seconds later, a breathless Jim came flying into the kitchen and tossed a bag down on the table. Collapsing in a chair, he watched as Suzuka made her tea and took a small sip. "Can I go back to bed now?" He asked after he'd caught his breath.

Raising an eyebrow, Suzuka looked at the boy strangely. "I don't care, it's not like you have to ask my permission." She said calmly.

Blinking, Jim shook his head and stood up. "Crazy mood swings of a tea obsessed woman." He muttered as he headed back to bed.

'Strange kid.' Suzuka thought as she took another sip of her tea. 'He must be very tired.' Leaning back, she smiled before bringing the cup back to her lips. 'Such a peaceful morning.'


	15. The Horrors of Shopping

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Outlaw Star or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

The Horrors of Shopping

* * *

Usually Melfina does all the shopping by herself since Jim's always working on Gilliam, Gene's just too lazy, Suzuka won't miss 'tea time' and Aisha…well no one really wants to shop with her, she causes all sorts of problems. Melfina is fine with that though, she leaves when she wants, spends as long as she needs without feeling pressured and generally just has a peaceful time.

One day however, Melfina woke up with the flu and could barely get out of bed. After being pronounced as 'too sick to move', she'd resigned herself to staying in bed all day. Just as Gene was about to leave her room, she spoke up. "There's no food in the fridge, so you'll have to go shopping for dinner." She said quietly.

"Don't worry about it." Gene said with a wave of his hand. "I've already sent those three out with your list. I'm sure they'll be back in no time."

"Ok." Melfina said as she burrowed deeper into her blankets. "I hope they don't forget the bread." She muttered sleepily before dosing off.

ooooo

Suzuka nearly tore the list in her hands to pieces as she listened to Jim and Aisha bicker. As their voices continued to grow louder, she turned and glared at the two 'children' behind her. "Would you two be quiet!" She growled out. "We haven't even gotten to the store yet and you're already on my nerves." Turning back around, she continued on.

Jim and Aisha both snapped their mouths shut and quietly followed after the assassin. Not even they were stupid enough to anger Suzuka when she looked that pissed off. Glaring at each other out of the corner of their eyes, the two silently told each other that the battle was far from over.

When they reached the store, Suzuka handed Jim and Aisha a basket and stared at them both sternly. "Now, I want you two to go and pick up these three items." When they nodded, she continued. "After that you can meet me in the meat department so we can pick out something for dinner. Now get to it."

Jim nodded and handed the basket to Aisha while he made a mental list of the items they were supposed to pick up. Turning around, the pair began to walk to the other side of the store.

"Finally, some peace and quiet." Suzuka muttered. "It's a wonder I haven't killed those two yet." Walking down the dairy aisle, she began to get the items Melfina had written on her list. By the time she'd gotten to the end of the aisle, Suzuka could hear arguing at the other end of the store. "I knew they couldn't keep out of trouble." She said as she stormed over to where the two were fighting.

"It is so what she wanted!" Aisha yelled, holding up a can of baked beans.

"No it's not, the list said 'green beans' you idiot." Jim replied. "Those are baked beans. They're totally different."

"Who cares, a bean is a bean." Aisha said as she tossed the can into the basket.

Pulling the can back out, Jim threw it at the Ctarl-Ctarl's head. "I told you no, what do I have to do to get it through that thick skull of yours?!"

By now a rather large crowd had begun to gather around the pair and Suzuka nearly growled as she pushed passed the onlookers. "ENOUGH!!" She screamed.

Aisha dropped the can of beans before she could throw it back at Jim and they both looked down at the floor.

"What is wrong with you guys?! We were sent out to do one thing and you two can't even get along for twenty minutes. It's like I'm babysitting a couple of toddlers." Suzuka complained, rubbing her forehead in annoyance. "Now, since I obviously can't leave the two of you alone you can come with me to the meat department and then we can get what's left on our list."

"I'm almost the same age as her, what makes her think she can boss me around." Aisha muttered under her breath, causing Jim to cover a laugh behind his hand.

Turning a glare on the pair, Suzuka narrowed her eyes. "Did you say something?" She asked. When they both shook their heads, she smiled. "I didn't think so." Turning back around, she headed down towards the meat so they could finish up and get back to the ship.

While Suzuka was examining the meat, Aisha spotted a rather large fish. Picking it up, she snuck up behind Jim and whacked him upside the head with it. "Gotcha!" She cried.

Jim stared at the fish that had just assaulted him and narrowed his eyes. "That's it, you're dead." He said as he reached into the lobster tank and pulled one out. Holding it up, he smiled evilly while he removed the bands on its claws. "Hey Aisha, catch." He said with a laugh.

Aisha screamed as the lobster landed on her head and immediately began to attack her ears. "Aaaaah, get it off! It hurts!" She cried.

Dropping the roast she was examining, Suzuka turned around and her eyes widened. "What the hell!" She said as she watched Aisha dance around with a lobster attached to her head while simultaneously beating Jim over the head with a large fish. "Ok, this has got to be some horrible nightmare, I'm sure I'll wake up soon." She said as she began to laugh hysterically. "It's just a dream, none of this is real."

Both Jim and Aisha paused in their attacks to stare at Suzuka. "…um, I think she's lost it." Aisha said as Suzuka collapsed to the floor and began to sway back and forth muttering about nightmares.

Nodding, Jim removed the lobster from Aisha's ear and dropped it back into the tank. Picking up the basket, he walked over to the roasts and grabbed a random one off the shelf. "Well that's it, how about we buy these and get out of here. She's starting to freak me out." He said as he headed towards the registers.

Aisha shrugged and turned to follow him. Suzuka was a big girl; she could find her way home once she snapped out of whatever crazy land she'd fallen into.

Long after they left, Suzuka was still sitting on the floor in the middle of the meat department mumbling quietly to herself and chewing on her hair. "It's only a dream, nothing else. Just a dream…a really bad dream."


End file.
